just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
