Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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