The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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