areolas are like halos for boobs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
