This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I didn't notice because vodka
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
