I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
