i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
