her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
