the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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