They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize