Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
