The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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