Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
