I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you win again, gameday.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize