After last night, I could never be a politician.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
