I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
