You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
