I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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