Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
