So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
