Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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