the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
