mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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