the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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