Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize