She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
