awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
