just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
