so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
