y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
