I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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