her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
