$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
