I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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