Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
