in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
ugly people sure do ruin things
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize