i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
