You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
