the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
