gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
