every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
