FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
