just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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