On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
