what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
