i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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