you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
