just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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