I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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