Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
