I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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