I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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