ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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