Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
