Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
