So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
