I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize