Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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