Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
