I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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