i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
