So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
