dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
