Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
