I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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