And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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