No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
