i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's just like the Real World with babies
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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