What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think a kid would responsible me up
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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